Snippet – No.12: Resilience

Snippet – No.12: Resilience

“Nana korobi ya oki 七転び八起き”
Fall seven times, rise eight” – Japanese Proverb

I was exhausted this weekend. People commenting that I looked pale and I really did feel tired. I’ve been wondering ‘why?’

Lockdown has been a long slog – a mentally and physically demanding ride, which has taken its toll, even on those of us, like me, who have had it pretty easy.

10 years ago, I worked briefly with a lovely man who was returning to Japan after three years working in the UK. He told me they have a saying about the number 3: 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months and even 3 years – all of these are turning points where we have to decide whether to stay or move on, and at each turning point we will wobble and have our doubts. My children know that when they wobble about work or relationships, they have to check – is it 3 weeks, 3 months or even 3 years!

And we are 3 months into this strange world, where we have to decide if we keep going or break out of lockdown, with a totally uncertain future ahead of us. It’s like running a marathon where we don’t know the finish line. So, I am not surprised that I am wobbling: at least my Japanese friend could return to a world he knew!

Arabella Ellis
Founder & Director CharacterScope

Snippet, Reflect, Fix

Snippet
Resilience is key to running this marathon. Not soldiering on, or pushing through pain, but rather paying attention to ourselves, our thoughts, our feelings and our relationships, and taking actions that will help and protect us now and for the future.   Making the focus sustainable.
 
Reflect
Are you looking after yourself in a way that makes you proud? Looking after your emotions, your health, your sleep, and your relationships?
 
Fix
Do you know which activities help you recalibrate and regain perspective? Are there ones that you have let slip in this lockdown world, which you would benefit from turning the dial up on again?

Snippet – No.8: Resilience

Snippet – No.8: Resilience

When I think about my next development goal, I am torn between choosing ‘Resilience’ (my anxieties are not about death, but rather about job losses and poverty – my family after all were Jewish war refugees) and ‘Influential’ (can I use this time to find my influencer voice?).

Choosing Resilience is driven by a desire to understand and change the anxiety inside myself about money, because I know it is not based on fact.

Choosing Influential is for the future, an opportunity to add something specific to my repertoire, to project my voice outward.

I realised as I was out for a walk at the weekend (walking works really well for me as a way of getting perspective) that this choice reflects something I’ve been writing about and working with my coaching clients: what is the source of our impulse to want to develop? Does it come from within or from without?  

Arabella Ellis 
Founder & Director CharacterScope

Snippet, Reflect, Fix

Snippet
We can think of our development goals as falling into 2 categories:

a) learning to thrive in a changing environment (new job, new role, new boss, new city, new relationship etc). These are all external change factors, things that happen to us that require a change of us or present us with an opportunity to change.

b) a desire to change myself because I am not thriving, whether it’s in my life, my work or my relationships. These are internally driven changes based on noticing personal discomfort or having this pointed out by someone else, even when it’s hard to hear.

Reflect
What information do you pay attention to that indicates you need to change? What signs do you miss or avoid? How open are you to the idea that change is an opportunity?

Fix
Learn to identify goals from both categories. Pick a goal that you’ve already set yourself or one that you’d like to set. Identify whether it’s driven from the inside or the outside. Now choose an additional goal that is driven by the opposite. Which goal are you more likely to achieve?

Snippet – No.2: Grip

Snippet – No.2: Grip

I am head of Consulting for CharacterScope, and in these unprecedented times I am struck by the difference between clients who are ‘too busy’ to have coaching sessions, and those who are desperate for time to reflect, make sense and plan how to help their teams to survive and thrive.  I know who I would rather be led by!

And that shocked me because, being action-oriented myself, I too cancelled my own supervision sessions at the start of this lockdown.  They are back in the diary now and are invaluable.

Arabella Ellis
Founder & Director CharacterScope

Snippet, Reflect, Fix

Snippet
The business world values (or perhaps overvalues) decisive action. In CharacterScope we call this Grip: goal-driven behaviours which turn plans into progress. But Grip when not backed by Judgement leads to wasted effort and frantic behaviour.

Judgement is more than just making a decision.  It has 3 parts: what do I ‘think’ about this, and what does that imply? What do I ‘feel’ about this, and what does that imply, and what therefore should I ‘do’ and when?

Reflect
What is your personal balance between grip and judgement – both generally and in these unprecedented times? Of the 3 parts of Judgement, which do you use well and value?

Fix
Now is the time to put into place a daily practice to improve your judgement. Take 10mins to reflect on what you think, feel and therefore want to do.